Drove
by Muldoon22
Summary: Marshall leaves for Minnesota after he and Lily break up.
1. Moving Out

Kids, when your Aunt Lily left Marshall, Marshall was devestated. So devestated that he left New York and went home to Minnesota. Had Lily returned a week after she left, they would be walking arm in arm down Broadway Ave., rather than Robin struggling to keep up with a fast moving Lily.

"Lily, it's been two months, you have to move on, it's time to return to the market" Robin badgered while Lily kept gliding down the street.

"I'm not ready. Please Robin, i need to get to work"

Lily was currently working at a hardware store in Brooklyn. She got paid 5.50 an hour and was living in a rundown apartment two blocks away.

"Come on, Marshall isn't the only guy in the world. Now, i helped you with the lease for that piece of shit apartment, you have to return the favour, and that's looking for someone else."

Lily stopped for a moment, then turned to look Robin square in the eye. "I'll see you later." And turned left into the building labelled "Wong's Hardware" Robin sighed deeply and then ushered for a cab.

Now kids, before I continue this story, let me refresh your memory on what transpired to this point. When Lily left for San Francisco, Marshall was a wreck. For three weeks he sat in the left side of the couch, moping, weeping, watching old reruns of _Three's Company _on TV.

"Oh, Jack, Janet, Chrissy, your poor listening skills lead you to such hilarious hijinks", Marshall muttered, gulping back some beer before weeping hysterically "Lily loves that about yOUU".

At that point, kids, I couldn't help but hold back a chuckle. He said that last word in such a funny-, anyway, one day, when I returned from work..

"Marshall, I'm home!" I call as I remove the key from the lock and pocket it. Marshall is not sitting in the left side of the couch anymore. "Marshall?" I begin to search the apartment for signs of him. When I looked into his room, all I saw was emptiness. A bed stripped of it's sheets, posters removed from the walls, leaving white squares and a notes taped to one of those spots.

"Ted, thank you for putting up with me, but this whole thing is something I cannot put up with anymore. I going home to Minnesota and I don't think I'm coming back. I've been drove to this point by depression and self-sorrow, but I feel my hometown air might cheer me up. Goodbye

Sincerely,

Marshall

P.S., we're out of beer."

I sit on the bare bed and review the note again. Finally I let it fall out of my hand to the floor. I hoped that he moped that floor, I didn't know how many times he came on it. But importantly, I lost two of my closest friends in a month's span.

And I was also out of goddamn beer.


	2. Return of the Foresaker

"Gone, just like that?" Robin quizzed, placing down a tray of booze to drown a recent blow of sorrows. Barney was oddly unfazed, straightening his tie and eyeballing a lanky blonde. "Prepare your standing o, my friends, Barney Stinson is about to score." How pompous was his strut while he walked to the lanky blonde, such confidence and calmness whilst talking. Unfortunately, confidence can't protect unguarded testicles and I too felt pain as the crunching punch befell him. Limping back over, he managed to slide into the booth, gasping for air. "She has acne anyway." he breathed, watching as the lanky blonde stormed out of the bar "WHORE!" he yelled after her. "Anyway, what's up?"

"Marshall left, Barney, we've been talking about it for 10 minutes now." I replied hotly. "Look, Ted, he's hurting, as he should be. I mean, wouldn't you do something similar? You are a bit of a bitch."

"I am not-, anyway, what if Lily comes back and discovers he left because of her?"

"Marshall left?" a distraught voice strained from the head of the table. A newly brunette and long haired Lily stood with her suitcases strewn beside her.

"Lily! You're back!" I managed to spurt out, leaning in to give her a hug. "Lily! Come here!" Barney enthusiastically said. Lily approached him, prompting him to say "But not on me. HA! High five!" he said, raising his hand for Lily to slap, which to mine, Robin's and even Barney's surprise, she did. "Oh, Barney, I've missed your sick jokes and games." Lily latched onto Barney's frame and gave him a hug, and then did the same to Robin.

"San Francisco didn't work out?" Robin asked. "In a way, yes, but it was no New York. I missed you guys. And Marshall, but he's gone.." Lily replied, ending the sentence quietly and in a sad demeanor.

"You left him heartbroken, Lily. I mean, you were together for 8 years and then you choose San Francisco over him." I replied, trying not to sound judgemental.

"Ted, please don't judge me." Lily asked, a little pleadingly

Damn.

We turn to slide back into our booth, but we notice it's now occupied by two scrawny guys.

"The fuck is this?" Barney asked them. They looked at him fearfully.

"Wh-What?" one of them asked.

"That's our booth, it's where we sit, it's where we WERE sitting, and now my eyes are in taking two little twerps who don't look a bit over 20 sitting in our booth." Barney continued.

"We're sorry, no one was sitting here." the other replied.

"Look at that plaque." Barney said, indicating something on the wall beside them.

A plaque did indeed sit on that wall.

"Read it" he ordered them.

"This booth has been permanently reserved to use only for:

Barney Stinson, Lily Aldrin, Ted Mosby, Marshall Eriksen and Robin Schubert."

"Schubert? Barney, that's not my last name." a puzzled Robin mentioned

"Scherbatsky wouldn't fit on the plaque." Barney retorted. "Is your name Robin Scherbatsky?" he asked Dan. I'm gonna call scrawny guy 1 Dan.

"No, sorry for the inconvenience." Dan replied, dashing out of the booth with Kurt, I'll call the other Kurt, and out of the bar.

Barney dusted off his suit and slid into the booth.

"Bravo, Mr. Stinson." Lily applauded, half-mockingly, half-sincere.

"Abbbub, you're not off the hook yet, sister." he replied. "Tell us about your escapades in San Francisco."

"Alright." Lily began. "Let's start from the beginning.


	3. An Unlikely Pair

_Author's note: I do apologize for the delay, but I just could not think of any good storylines for the Lily in San Francisco story arc. So, unfortunately, I will be picking up the story after she told her adventures. Apologies again, but I can't put the next chapter off any longer._

"And now here I sit". Lily concluded, flapping her arms a little for show. Half of that story, in my mind, was probably a crock of shit. Lily was probably miserable there, but I decided to keep that to myself.

"Well Lily, it sounds like you had a hell of a time". Barney, in a sarcastic, uninterested manner, downing his glass of scotch. "Gotta take a piss". And he headed off for the bathroom.

"So how was your flight, Lily?" Robin quizzed.

"Usual flight. Bad food, crappy movie, _What Lies Beneath_, by the way, and the wait in Nashville wasn't fun either".

"Why's that?" I asked. I always enjoy layover stories. When I was flying home to Ohio in 1999, I had to wait in Detroit for 17 hours. The way I passed the time was posing as a foreign tourist and pestered other travellers.

"Essentially, I had nothing to do. Whenever we travelled, Marshall would-"

She cut herself off, realizing what she was saying. Barney had returned from the bathroom around this time.

"Goddamn urine. You think it's done, but as soon as you pull up your pants, one little drop soils your pants". A medium sized piss stain was around his crotch region and I couldn't help but laugh.

"You think it's funny, Theodore? Huh? It's not funny. NOT. FUCKING. FUNNY".

"Geez, Barney, what's up your ass tonight. You're right ansty".

"I don't know, just a little tired. Might as well take that as a sign to turn in for the night". He pulled out his wallet and pulled out a $100 dollar bill "Tonight's on me. Ood to see you, Lil". And headed out to leave

"Actually, Barney, I'm heading out too". Lily said, gathering up her belongings. "Share a cab?"

"Sure. I'll meet you outside."

"Well, guys, I got to find a hotel room for the night. I'll see you tomorrow".

"Lily, I live right upstairs, you can crash with me for the night". I replied, wondering why she would spend money on one night.

"Nah, that's ok, the apartment sounds nice, but it reminds me too much of.. You know who".

"Voldemort?" Robin asked jokingly.

"Hardy har har, I'll see you tomorrow". And she too headed out the door.

Lily found Barney a couple buildings away hailing for a cab. She walked over to him.

"It's Tuesday night, it shouldn't be this busy". Barney said as she approached. "I guess you a little use to hopping on a cable car, huh?"

"Yeah. I actually walked a lot in San Francisco. Saw the sights and whatnot. It's a beautiful city".

A cab finally pulled over and Barney opened up the door. "Ladies first" he indicated, picking up one of Lily's bags and loading it into the cab.

"1717 Hudson St." Barney informed the driver. "Oh, hey, Lily, what are you doing for a place to sleep?"

"I'll just check into a hotel, go apartment hopping tomorrow".

Barney looked at his watch. "At 12:30 at night? I have a spare room, you can crash there, just, it's full of suits".

"Really? Because none of us has ever stepped foot into your apartment. What if I never return?"

"All occupants of the Fortress of Barnitude always re-emerge from it, you have my word".

"Well, if you insist". And they fell silent for a few minutes. Each turn down different streets of Manhattan became a little awkward. Until Lily spoke

"You think I made a mistake?"

"What?"

"Me, going to San Francisco. Leaving Marshall, leaving behind 7 years of love. Just to fulfil my needs? And now, Marshall is back in Minnesota, and I here, in a cab, unleashing all my worries onto you, no offence, the most uncaring person when it comes to a woman's troubles".

Barney pulled Lily towards him in a semi-hug. "I do care when it's the problems of a friend. Lily looked up at him and smiled. Then every blanked.

Barney woke up the next morning, unaware of what transpired after entering to cab. He rose to go to his bathroom when he was startled by a sudden movement of the bed sheets. He was surprised by what it was: Lily.


	4. Evidence

"How did this happen?" Lily pondered, sitting alongside Barney on the bed. "We weren't drunk, we weren't high. Unless.." Lily stood up and slapped Barney. "Did you drug me?"

Barney rubbed the struck cheek "God no. I didn't plan on this either. But how it happened isn't important right now, did we use protection?"

Lily recoiled in horror at the negative aspect of the thought. What if they didn't?

Barney soon rose from the bed and went into his closet. What seemed like only five seconds flew by and he was suited up. Lily felt a bit confused." What are you doing?"

Dusting off his arms, Barney replied. " Simple. This never happened. I go to work, you do your thing and we never talk about this. Ever."

"Right. I have to meet up with Robin. Scouting for an apartment."

"Cool. Remember, this never happened." And he walked out the door. Lily dashed into the bathroom to get straightened up, so she would seem slutty.

_How could you let this happen? Barney? Shit, Aldrin, you can do better. Well, Barney isn't at the _BOTTOM _of the free agency pool, but still._

Lily finished pampering and ran out the door.

So kids, to recap, your Uncle Barney and Aunt Lily did the nasty. Unlike her normal self, Lily was able to contain this secret for 4 weeks. That's a month. But me and Robin we're still oblivious to this, so we decided to get her to start dating again. And each time she turned it down. So, this brings us back to the present:

"Lily, it's been two months, you have to move on, it's time to return to the market" Robin badgered while Lily kept gliding down the street.

"I'm not ready. Please Robin, i need to get to work"

Lily was currently working at a hardware store in Brooklyn. She got paid 5.50 an hour and was living in a rundown apartment two blocks away.

"Come on, Marshall isn't the only guy in the world. Now, i helped you with the lease for that piece of shit apartment, you have to return the favour, and that's looking for someone else."

Lily stopped for a moment, then turned to look Robin square in the eye. "I'll see you later." And turned left into the building labelled "Wong's Hardware" Robin sighed deeply and then ushered for a cab.

"I'm really concerned she's given up." Robin dished when she arrived at McLaren's. It was just us there, at 10 A.M.

"Well, not given up, but just down in the dumps on the dating front. Come on, Robin, she was with the same guy for 7 years. Dating is a little rusty to her."

"I dated a guy for two years in high school. We broke up and I found another guy in 20 minutes."

Barney entered at this point and heard the last part. He coughed into his hand "Slut." And slid next to me.

"I'm not a slut. I'm just not one to cry over spoiled milk."

"Anyway, what are ya'll talking about?"

"Lily's sex life." I replied

Barney choked a little on MY drink. "Why would you want to talk about that?" he asked in a mixture of disinterest and nervousness.

"She's not trying to move on. Marshall and her are caput."

"Shut yo mouth!" I retorted. "They can still get back together.

"Frankly, it's none of your business about what she does in the sack." Barney replied, to our surprise. He stood up to leave. "I shall return." And he departed.

"Well, I have to go to work. See you later." Robin also left, after kissing me on the cheek. I paid the costs and I went up to my apartment.

So later tonight, we begun celebrating Robin's- Oh yeah, I forgot. Robin applied for U.S. citizenship some weeks back and had finished the test a week ago. She got the results today and passed. A brief plot point, but I won't get into that.

High Five, Scherbatsky!" Barney exclaimed, raising his hand over the table to receive it and it was returned. "Uncle Sam has acquired a brand new niece."

"Well, it's DUAL-citizenship. I can still call myself Canadian-American." Robin got up to get another round.

Lily sat quietly beside Barney, nibbling on some of the beer mix.

"Lily, you've been awfully quiet tonight, anything wrong?" I asked.

Lily jumped a little in her seat when I spoke, but collected herself to answer. "Oh, I'm fine, just thinking about trying to get my old teaching job back."

"You quit?"

"Fired, but it wasn't my fault. He ordered a saw blade, we receiving an electric saw, so Mr. Wong cursed at me in Mandarin and I took it to be a firing."

"The Chinese and hardware stores just do not mix." Barney philosophised.

Robin slipped on some spilt beer on the way back and fell. I got up to go and help her, leaving Barney and Lily alone. It was their first time alone since the encounter and not one of them worked up the courage to talk about it.

"Look, Lily, what's happened is in the past. We both should try and get on and forget what happened. Thankfully for us there are no string left uncut."

"I don't really think that's too true." Lily replied quietly.

"And why's that?" Barney asked, glancing around the bar for some singles.

"I'm pregnant." Lily answered. Barney dropped his beer and looked at Lily shocked, lost for words.


	5. Mierda Golpea el Ventilador

_Mierda golpea el ventilador - shit hit's the fan._

Barney pulled Lily out of the bar and into the alley behind the bar.

"Pregnant? Do you know for sure?" Barney asked in a paranoid manner.

"I missed my period last week. I went to see my doctor and she said I was 4 weeks along."

"How long ago did we, you know." He humped the air in a way Lily understood.

"4 weeks ago."

"So it's mine." Barney murmured, walking a little down the alley.

"I know that you never wanted children, but-"

"Oh, I wanted kids, just not so soon. I'm still young and beautiful." rubbing his face. He snapped out of it and walked back over to Lily.

"So, what now? How do we tell Ted & Robin?"

Lily thought deeply about the question. She had forgotten about Ted and Robin. How would they take it?

Barney began talking again. "I know how, Ted will beat me senseless and Robin will probably rip my nads off."

"Well, that's what would happen to you. What will they think of me?"

"Oh, Lily, you're pregnant, how sweet!" Barney mocked, pretending to be them.

"Well, I won't tell them tonight. I don't want to spoil Robin's party."

"Ok. How about tomorrow? We're going to that Mexican joint that just opened down the block. That way, it'll be out in the open and we won't have to keep it a secret for so long."

"I was hoping of waiting for another month. It's not easy to spring something like this onto them."

"Why do you want to wait? Me and you both know you're not good with secrets, Lil."

"I'll think about it." Lily firmly said. "We should probably go back in."

"Yeah, yeah. But no alcohol."

"Wow, Barney, I never thought you'd be this jubious about a kid." And they re-entered the bar.

Barney slipped into the bathroom so it wouldn't seem suspicious them coming back together from the alley.

"Hey, Lily, where were you?" I asked, finishing helping Robin dry off from her little beer incident.

"Oh, just in the bathroom. Listen, I need to get going, but I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh, ok, Lil, see you at Mariachi's. I hear you need to speak entirely Spanish for opening day."

"Well, I guess I need to brush up on that. See you." And Lily hurriedly left the bar.

Barney came back from the bathroom moments later and left without saying goodnight.

"Well, that's peculiar of him." Robin noted. He's normally here until the morning hitting on anything with two legs, two arms and a rack."

"Barney AND Lily have been acting a little strange tonight." I realized.

"Maybe they're dating." Robin suggested.

Me and Robin looked at each other and started laughing hysterically. We soon headed upstairs after getting some funny looks from other bar patrons.

So the next day, we all went to Mariachi's grand opening because we heard the owner, Diego Gardello, was one of Mexico's finest fast food cooks. And all of us being Mexican food eaters, we decided to give the place a shot.

Me and Robin were already there when Barney and Lily entered.

A waitress noticed us and came over. "Hola, soy Kelly y yo seré a vosotros esta noche camarera. ¿Puedo conseguir que su pedido?" ("Hello, I am Kelly and i will be your waitress tonight. Can i get you your order?")

I started off, bringing a dictionary and having my order written on the front flap.

"Sí, voy a tener cinco de cinco cheddar burritos con una guarnición de arroz de col

("Yes, i will have 5 five-cheddar burritos with a side of cabbage rice")

Robin ordered, then Barney and we finally got to Lily. Though the menu was predominantly Mexican food, there were also American foods, such as hamburgers and hot dogs.

"Voy a comer una hamburguesa y papas fritas ("I'll just have a hamburger and fries")

The waitress finished jotting down the order and walked off. Lily's order surprised me as she was normally a keen spicy food eater.

"What's up, Lil, you love spicy food."

"Well, the menu is optional." Lily said, sipping on some juice, which she scarcely drinks.

Barney began to look a little nervous. He looked up on the Internet prior to arriving that pregnancy and spicy foods aren't a great combination.

"I know, but what's the point of coming to a Mexican restaurant if you're only going to eat what you normally do."

"Come on, Ted, she doesn't have to eat spicy food." Barney interjected.

Robin chipped into the conversation. "As I recall Lily, you once said the only times you wouldn't eat spicy food is if you were dead or pregnant."

Lily nervously looked around after Robin said "pregnant". I noticed this. My eyes widened.

"Lily, are you-"

Lily looked down at her feet. That was all the confirmation I needed.

Robin caught on as well. "No. Fucking. Way."

"Surprise." she muttered, trying to lighten the mood.

"Holy shit! When? How?"

"Four weeks ago."

"That' when you got back! You haven't been with anyone at that time. The only time you were alone with anyone but us was when you and-"

I looked at Barney, who was very uncomfortable.

"BARNEY!" I hollered, attracting the attention of other patrons.

Barney took a deep sigh "Bueno, mierda acaba de golpear el ventilador" ("Well, shit just hit the fan.")


	6. Preparing for Baby

"DAMMIT BARNEY, WHY?" I demanded, strangling and shaking Barney back at my apartment. Lily and Robin intervened and soon I allowed him to collapse onto the couch.

"Explain yourself. Both of you." I calmly stated. Barney took a few breathes and then began answering.

"Nunca se propuso-" ("We never set out to-")

"IN ENGLISH!"

"We never set out to do this. I don't even remember how. It just did. I wake up, head towards the bathroom and there she was. Sleeping in my bed."

"So, you weren't drunk?" I asked.

"No."

Robin stood up and paced around. "Ok. So if you weren't drunk and you weren't high, unless…"

She walked over to barney and slapped him. "Did you drug her?"

Barney rubbed the struck cheek. "No, I didn't drug her. You should know me by now. That's not how I roll."

Robin conceded this and sat back down. I was still upset. I guess it was due to how I mapped out the future. I never saw Lily and Marshall split. I saw them getting married, having kids and living in a house in the country. I didn't perceive Barney and Lily shacking up and Lily having a one-night stand child. I allowed myself to calm down before asking what both me and Robin were thinking. "So, how are you going to play this?"

"Well," Lily began, straightening out from her semi-slouch, "Abortion is _definitely _out of the question. And even though I wasn't planning for this yet, I want to have it."

I nodded and turned towards Barney "You?"

Barney thought deeply. I was expecting him to jump out of his seat and for the door. Instead he surprised us all.

"When I was a kid, I didn't have the luxury of a dad. I had no one to throw a baseball with, a football with or teach me the ways of life through experience. I would die if I did the same thing to a child of mine.I'll be there for it. I wouldn't want it to grow up like me."

A subtle silence lingered for a few moments. My anger was gone and I felt genuinely proud of Barney, He never stepped up to the plate when it came to serious matters.

Then I realized this wasn't just going to affect Barney and Lily, it would affect me and Robin.

"Since you two aren't too prepared yet, I've decided to help." I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door.

"Where you going?" Robin asked.

"Bookstore. You're gonna need every book on child raising in inventory. And make sure Barney doesn't make a run for it."

Barney laughed mockingly as I left.

And so, the first few months generally flew by. Barney and Lily learned how to deal with child. Barney struggled at first, managing to put a baby's diaper on it's head, and there was a mishap with an electronic dummy..

"WAAAH. WAAAH!" the doll screeched, while an anguished Barney tried to figure out why it was crying. "Does it need feeding?" he directed to Lily.

Lily (6 months at this point), responded. "Robin just fed it half hour ago."

"Well, it doesn't need changing or burping, what does it want?"

"Try cuddling it."

Barney did. It kept crying for _4 _hours. And I admit, it wasn't the only one crying. It all ended when Mr. Brandton, from upstairs, charged into our apartment, snatched the doll and chucked it out the window.

"COMMON FUCKING COURTESY FOR THE REST OF US!" he screamed, and charged out.

We stood there in silence for a while, until Barney spoke.

"So, the doll's are $120 a piece, I'd say $30 each?"

We all nodded in agreement and reached for our wallets.

And soon we found ourselves in the final stretch. And during that time, Barney and Lily grew closer. It was noticeable, but me and Robin feigned ignorance. Hell, one day, Barney called us to his apartment to show us something.

"Barney, this is your suit room, we've seen it before." I mentioned as we approached the door.

"No, this is more awesome." And he opened the door. A baby room was set up, not painted yet (they decided to wait to discover the gender) with a crib and bed set up side by side

"Barney, it's great!" Lily exclaimed, hugging him.

"Well, I thought, since we're bringing this kid up, you could live in the room with it, so it doesn't have to meet your raccoon roommate. "

"You want me to move in?" Lily asked, a little surprised.

"Yeah, it makes sense, no?""Yeah, of course." Lily replied. "I just love this room!"

"Dude, I could of helped." I interjected, a little put out.

"Well, you and Robin have been a huge help to us, even if you didn't need to do so."

"True, but we wanted to."

Robin nodded in agreement. "You just never know if I'll like this kid."

Robin wasn't a huge kids fan, but I felt she'll get over it. One day.

We headed back to my apartment to watch a few movies. "Ok, we'll watch _Serendipity_, only if _The Rock _goes on after it." I said, opening the door. And as we looked into the room, a shocking sight befell us.

Marshall was sitting on the couch, surrounded by his stuff. "Oh, hey guys." he greeted.

"What's up?"


	7. The Truth Finally Dawns

"Marshall." I said a little stunned. "You're back!"

Marshall stood up to hug us. "Yeah. I decided it was time to come back. Beside, my parents kicked me out." he chuckled a bit, but it took a nervous turn when he saw Lily.

"Hey, Lil."

"Hey."

An awkward chill lingered in the air. Marshall noticed Lily's rotund figure, so we were hoping he wouldn't figure out why.

"So, Lily, I noticed you've, uh-" He indicated with his hands what he was trying to say.

She looked down. "Oh, yea, that, it's uh-"

"Depression fat!" Robin blurted out. "She was emotional when she came back, so she began gaining weight. But she's trying to lose it. She is."

Lily quickly nodded in agreement.

Fortunately, Marshall bought it. "Oh yeah, Annette mentioned something about that."

"Who's Annette?" Barney asked.

"Marshall, I can't seem to find my purse." a strange, blonde haired woman said as she walked into the living room. "Oh."

"Guys, this is Annette. My girlfriend."

"It's nice to meet you." Annette said, extending her hand to mine to shake.

"Likewise." I managed to say, shaking her hand.

"That's Ted, my college roommate." Marshall said. "To his right is Barney."

Barney nodded "Hey."

"Beside him is Robin. And in the back is Lily, my ex."

Annette and Lily felt a little awkward afterwards. Marshall sensed this and quickly changed the subject. "It's cool if we crash here tonight, Ted?"

"Yeah, it's still technically your apartment too. Stay as long as you need."

"Cool. So, I'm gonna introduce Annette to the McLaren's crowd. I'll see you later." He escorted Annette out the door and closed the door behind them.

We waited a few seconds before starting up the discussion.

"Depression fat?" Lily questioned.

"It worked, didn't it?" Robin retorted.

"Girls, that's not the issue at hand." I interjected. "Marshall's come home to his ex-girlfriend 8 months pregnant with Barney's child. "Depression fat" doesn't even enter the list of problems mounted here now."

"We'll know what happens. Marshall will kill me. Plain and simple."

"No, he won't, he's with Annette now." Lily answered, half relieved and half saddened.

"Well, depression fat won't hold up long, though. Lily's in the final stretch of her pregnancy. So we'll have to tell him soon anyway."

"What's so wrong with depression fat?" Robin asked.

"You could of just said she's fat." I said.

"But then there'd had to be a reason why she's fat." Barney said.

""She's just fat" isn't a good reason?"

"Stop calling me fat!" Lily shouted.

"Oh, sorry!" we all apologetically said.

Now that Marshall was back, Lily's pregnancy quickly took more effort to keep a secret. Whenever Marshall bought a round, we'd have to make some stupid excuse to why she can't have any.

"Here, Lily." Marshall said, handing her a bottle. Robin backhanded it and it went flying against a wall. "Muscle spasm. Sorry."

And this went on for two weeks. Finally, Lily was due at any time and Marshall still didn't know.

"I think we should tell him. Today." I said, sitting down beside Robin in our booth, talking to Lily and Barney. Marshall walked in as I said this.

"Just play it cool." Barney hissed as Marshall pulled a chair around to sit with us.

"Hey where's Annette?" Robin asked.

"Oh, she's at work. She landed a sweet gig at an advertising agency, prepping some big toothpaste commercial."

"That's cool." I said.

"Which brings me to why I came here. Lily, you don't need to feel depressed. We just drifted apart because we had some differences. Don't feel the need to not move on. I'm with Annette now. You can do anything you want."

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah. We're grown ups. We don't need permission or anything like that."

"Well, I guess I can tell you then. This isn't depression fat. I'm pregnant with Barney's child."

Marshall's smile faded slowly as he turned towards Barney. Suddenly a look of rage spread across his face and lunged at Barney from across the table, tackling him to the ground.


	8. To the Good Life

Marshall had Barney on the floor in a chokehold. "WHAT DID YOU DO? WAIT UNTIL I WAS GONE TO MAKE YOUR MOVE?" he roared.

I tried to intervene, but Marshall was a little stronger than I was.

"It-wasn't-intentional." Barney managed to say in between chokes.

"Marshall, let him go!" Lily pleaded. She suddenly felt a sharp pain in their stomach area.

I finally managed to pull Marshall off. Barney immediately sprang onto his feet and distanced himself from Marshall.

"Barney, I can't believe you. Lily is your FRIEND. You don't sleep with friends!"

"Marshall, you have to believe me when I say I never meant for this to happen!" Barney desperately tried to get Marshall to realize.

"Guys." Lily said.

"Not now, Lily." Marshall instructed. "I've known you, Barney, for years, I've seen you do unorthodox things, but this crosses the line."

"Guys."

"Just one sec, Lily." Barney answered.

"My water broke." she said in a blunt manner.

We all looked at her and the tension of the moment faded. We then snapped into action.

"I'll get a cab!" Robin informed whilst running for the door. Barney and I got Lily on her feet and helped her to the door while Marshall, still a bit winded from the news, grabbed Lily's things. But it appeared getting a cab can be easy, but would be a waste of time: Saturday afternoon traffic clogged the streets.

"Aww, damn." I said, allowing Lily to lean on my shoulder while Barney wandered around, hoping to look for a flowing spot in the street.

"How far is the hospital?" he asked Lily.

"Roughly 20 block, AH!" Lily replied, at the same time reacting to a sharp pain.

"20 blocks?" Barney disappointedly repeated.

"We'd be lucky to get her halfway before she had this kid." Robin said.

Suddenly, Barney picked Lily up and started running down the street.

"Barney, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Get her stuff and meet us there!" he called and raced down the sidewalk.

We stood there blank-faced for a moment, trying to grasp what just happened. Then we ran to catch up with them.

Barney, though struggling, was managing to navigate through the dense sidewalk crowds, carrying a very heavy, very pregnant Lily.

"Out of the way, pregnant woman in labour here!" he shouted, hoping that would clear the crowds.

"Cross the street here." Lily strained. Barney cut in front of several cars and crossed to the other side. We managed to catch up by running on those cars hoods.

"How she doing?" I asked before Lily screeched loudly beside me "" It stunned me for a moment and I fell behind to recover. I shook it off and caught back up. Barney looked all around him and noticed something.

"Where's Robin?" he asked.

Me and Marshall looked around and noticed she was gone. It turns out she hopped into a cab while we were running after Barney and Lily. Coincidentally, the driver of that cab was Ranjit. He happened to be the driver of several of our cab trips.

"Why did I get a cab?" she asked herself.

"That's your problem." Ranjit replied. "I'm the one profiting."

Robin sunk down a little in her seat.

We were now 15 blocks away from the hospital. Suddenly, Barney's ankle buckled and nearly tripped. But somehow he stabilized himself and kept going.

"Barney, stop ah! You'll kill yourself carrying me and running 20 blocks at the same time. AHH!"

"We're almost there. I'm not gonna let this kid be a sidewalk stooge. I'll make sure this kid is born in a hospital, I'll make sure we'll get there, even if it does kill me."

Lily was bewitched by his determination and kissed him. Barney, though still focusing where he was going, smiled at her before diverting attention back to his path.

"Turn left then it's straight running from !"

"Just keep breathing, Lil. Breathe in and out."

Me and Marshall started slowing down as we were getting warn out, but Barney's determination encouraged us to press on.

Meanwhile, Robin's cab only moved an inch since she got in it. And it had been 15 minutes.

"Come on, move!" she hollered. "Fuck this." she grabbed her purse and darted out of the cab.

Ranjit noticed and got out of the cab. "Hey, you owe $22.50! $22.50!" and with that he ran after her to collect his fare.

The hospital was 5 blocks away. I felt it taunting us. Barney was getting more and more tired by the minute, we could see that, but he just kept going.

"Almost there, Lil. Almost there." he panted.

We raced through the entrance like race cars and gunned it for the front desk. "Woman in labour! Get a doctor!" I was hollering through the halls. A herd of nurses and a doctor dashed towards us, equipped with a wheelchair."What's her name?" Dr. Nicholls asked.

"It's Lily. Lily-Aldrin." Barney panted. The doctor carted Lily off and seconds afterward, Barney collapsed from exhaustion. A nurse hailed for a gurney and he too was wheeled away.

No sooner than when me and Marshall sat down when Robin ran in, with Ranjit behind her.

"$22.50! $22.-" Ranjit was yelling before he too collapsed from exhaustion. Another gurney and he was wheeled away.

Robin sat down. "How is she?"

"She's in the ER right now." Marshall answered.

"And Barney?""Collapsed from exhaustion. They took him away too." I answered. "Why was Ranjit chasing you?"

"Not important right now." she replied. "I need some coffee." And she headed off down the hall for the cafeteria.

An hour ticked by, and no news yet about Barney or Lily. Or Ranjit.

Marshall fiddled around with his thumbs before finally speaking. "You know I always pictured myself here as the father, not a friend. But hey, plans change, right? I just hope Barney realizes this is an important part of life."

"You'd be surprised how willing Barney was to participate in preparation." I said. "He knows the seriousness of the matter."

"But will he be able to commit? Not just to the baby, but to Lily as well?"

"I think he can." I said casually. "I think he can."

Another hour past and soon Ranjit was cleared to leave. As he walked away, he approached Robin.

"$22.50."

Robin gave him the fare and another $50 for the trouble he went through.

"Must have been one hell of a matter if it meant running through Manhattan traffic." he said.

"It was." she replied. Ranjit smiled a little and then left.

Barney soon emerged as well.

"Hey, Barney." I said as he sat down. "How do you feel?"

"Refreshed." he half-jokingly said. "The doctors, they recommended I don't run through the city with a pregnant woman again. Not good for the heart."

"How is she? Marshall asked.

"Still in labour. I haven't seen her yet. But Marshall, I'm really-"

"Don't. It's ok." Marshall interjected. "Lily isn't a piece of property. No one should tell her how to live her life. And I know this wasn't intentional."

"That's great." Barney said with a sigh of relief. "Because we were hoping that the kid would be able to have Uncle Marshall around."

"Of course." Marshall replied.

A nurse soon appeared. "Which one is Barney Stinson, the father?"

Barney stood up. "I am."

"Ms. Aldrin is entering the final stages of labour, would you come with me?

Barney complied and followed the nurse down to the ER.

Robin came back with more coffee and sat back down. "Was that Barney?"

"Yep. Lily's in the final stages." Marshall said.

"Wow." she replied. "I wonder what this kid will be like."

I smiled. "It'll do fine."

"Come on, Ms. Aldrin, push!"

"GRRRR-AAAAAAH"

"You're almost there, Lil, just one more push!"

"GAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"WAAAA. WAAAAAA!"

"Oh my god, he's beautiful!."

On July 8, 2007, after 5 hours in labour, Lily gave birth to a healthy baby boy. It weighed 5 pounds and had a head of brown hair like it's mother.

Barney came walking back to us, smiling.

"It's a boy."

We swarmed around him to congratulate.

"They've moved Lily to a separate room and they plan to keep her for a few days, just to be careful."

"I can honestly say now, I never saw you being a father." Robin said. "Or this happy to be one."

"You want to see him?"

"Of course!" I said and we followed him to the room they had Lily in. She was cradling the boy, rocking it back and forth. She saw us enter and smiled.

"He's adorable." Robin quietly said, hoping no one would here her. I gave her a knowing look and turned back towards Lily.

"You guys think of a name yet?" Marshall asked.

Barney and Lily looked at each other. In the madness of the past 9 months, they hadn't taken time to sit down and talk about names. Barney turned towards the boy and examined him.

"He looks like a Steve to me." he suggested.

Lily looked at him too. "He does. I like that name."

"Steven Jethro Stinson." Barney stated.

"Jethro?" Lily asked.

"After Jethro Tull. It has an awesome ring to it."

"Steven Jethro Stinson. You know, it does sound cool saying it."

So it was settled. The boy was now known as Steven Jethro Stinson.

A few hours later, while me, Marshall and Robin slept in the waiting room, and baby Steve slept in a hospital crib beside his mother's bed, it was time for Barney and Lily to assess their situation.

"So, Barney, how do we play this?" Lily asked.

"What do you mean?" he replied.

"Where does this leave me and you?"

"I don't know." he said, standing up and moving to the front of the bed. "What about Marshall?"

"Barney, when I left for San Francisco, that was the day me and him ended. And you said it yourself, you want Steve to know both his parents. What will we tell him when he asks about marriage? Tell him we shacked up in a passionate moment and was resulted was you?"

"Of course that's not what I want him to think. But what happens if we don't work out?"

"At least we can say we tried."

She had him there. All they could do was smile.

Lily was released from the hospital two days later. She moved in with Barney and from there they gave their relationship a shot. On August 22, 2009, Barney and Lily married. Me and Marshall served as co-best men and Robin was the maid of honour. They had a second child, Wanda, on November 2, 2010 and moved to Long Island, where they still live today.

Two months after Steve was born, me and Robin split. It was a mutual agreement. Robin took a news anchor job in Utah but came back a year later. She's still single and lives in the city.

Marshall and Annette married February 7, 2010. They live in Queens, where she's pregnant with their first child.

As for me, kids, I met your mother. We had you and now live 4 houses away from your Uncle Barney and Aunt Lily. Which reminds me, Steve's 16th birthday is today. We should be heading over there.

I herded my family up and we walked down to their house. The party was in the backyard and my kids, Greg and Melody, ran over to play. I situated myself at a table where Barney, Lily, Robin and Marshall sat.

"Hey." I said.

"Where's the wife?" Robin asked.

"Business trip to St. Louis." I replied. "She's back on Thursday.

"Can't believe Steve's five already." Barney said.

"5 years isn't too long. Time really hits you when he turns 20." Marshall stated.

"Ugh, I'm afraid of what I'll look like in 5 years." Lily groaned.

"Probably as beautiful as you are today." Barney commented.

Lily smiled and hugged him. I leaned back and opened a beer.

"Look at that sunset." Robin admired, as we turned to look at it as well.

It was a beautiful sight. As the chaperones of the party navigated the kids into the house, Marshall broke out a 6-pack and distributed cans to all of us. Barney then executed a toast. "To life."

We all tapped cans and drank.

"Yep, life is great." I said. "Life is great."


End file.
